My worst christmas ever

So, I was engaged to be married to whom I believed was the love of my life, Mr. D. We were long distance for most of it, an ocean apart. He suddendly ended things, cowardly by text. I was pretty devasted. It was late november 2015 and I was holding a roundtrip ticket to spend christmas in England with him (before that he visited me in Mexico). After the breakup I was still in shock, I barely eat and sleep. We had a few arguments over texts, he told me NOT to use the flights and that he will pay me back what I spent.

I didn’t listen, I needed to see him one last time, even if it was goodbye. We stop talking as I was very upset and book flights out of England to Germany. I was arriving on the 24th of december in Manchester (where we were supposed to spend xmas with his relatives), leaving to germany on the evening of the 25th and coming back on the 31st to London to spend 3 nights before going back to Mexico.

I still had my doubts about looking for him or no. I wanted to but at the same time he didn’t want me to come. I hadn’t heard from Mr. D for two weeks, and just when I was literally boarding the plane to Manchester he texted. He wanted to see me, not to get back together, but he was proposing seeing each other on the 24th, he was taking an early train from London to Manchester to meet me early on the day. My heart bumpted, I didn’t expect that. I was stupid but I still thougth that if he saw me he will regret everything…So I arrived in Manchester in the morning. I was extremly nervous. I got pretty in the bathrooms, change clothes, put some make up on. I needed to look flawless. So I walk through the gates, trying not to hope that he was going to be there waiting for me (he didn’t said he will but I still dreamed about it). He wasn’t there of course.

I took the train to the city, alone. I was so unlucky to be seated next to a couple like us: mexican girl arriving to spend xmas with her english boyfriend who was expecting her with flowers. And I was alone and depressed, the day before christmas, keeping a ring of broken dreams in my purse.

He didn’t text until 6 or 7pm (I arrived at 9am). He said he spent the night out in London and woke up very late, just arrived in Manchester but was on his way to spend xmas eve with his family so he might meet me tomorrow. I cried so much. I fucking flew 11 hours to a different country all alone and he couldn’t wake up early on fucking xmas….

lonely_christmas_by_green_fram_day

I went to my hotel room and just lied there, thinking what I big mistake I made. Alone on xmas eve. I tried to be strong, got ready and went out to have dinner. Almost every place was closed, should known better. Met some guys in the street (I consider myself goodlooking, and they were flirting on me), one of them was kind of good looking and seemed into me so we went for a drink. He walked me back to my hotel before 11pm  but I ask him to leave. I didn’t had dinner but luckly I had bought a croissant and some fruit early on the day so I ate it and cried until I fell asleep.

Long story short, on xmas day everything was closed in the city so I spent all day at the hotel lobby. Couldn’t cry much, as people will look at me and well, it was xmas day and I was clearly very alone. My flight was at 8pm, I tried to call him so many times without success (from phone booths). Mr. D finally text and said he couldn’t meet me because he was busy with family, I yell and cursed him and cried again (so lame!!).

So I left to Manchester thinking what it could have been, I thought of how naive I was to think that he will wait for me at the airport…

It was my worst christmas, as the title reads. I was so sad, so broken and so lonely. I know it was my decision and even though it was so bad, I don’t regret going. I loved him and I was willing to sacrife everything.

Love Miss M.

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